what to say to my friend who is depressed

Last week I spoke about How to Find Peace In The Chaos – there is a lot we tin can practise while staying home, while also allowing ourselves to feel all the feelings that come up to the surface. The week prior, I spoke nigh how y'all tin feel anxious and grateful at the same time. I had planned to hash out 'facing the dragon', merely I thought I'd hold that for adjacent week while I discuss something that is current and relevant for me correct now. I've had a difficult week myself, struggling with an episode of some heavy depression.

I know I'm non alone, many of you take been sharing the same tempest, the same or similar boat. Some are experiencing Big waves, some have been riding smaller waves that are however difficult to navigate. A lot of people are experiencing anxiety and/or depression for the first fourth dimension. Many people take been developing a new sense of empathy for people who struggle with depression and anxiety, whereas earlier this quarantine, it was very difficult to understand how someone could feel so downwards, for such a long menstruum of time.What does it feel like to feel this looming sense of doom, or agape of something that can't exist seen, doesn't make sense, and is very confusing to understand? What does it experience similar to live with a sense of fear or anxiousness that lingers and is difficult to milk shake off?

I feel a deep sense of sorrow for people who are feeling these feelings for the first time, and have no idea how to manage them. I have a tendency to experience a lot of emotion at in one case. It's something I choose to run into equally a souvenir I can use for skilful, just it's also crushing at times when I get stuck there in my caput. I see someone who is hurting — I want to fix information technology and go far all amend, merely I know I can't, and that hurts my middle. 💔

Always since this quarantine began, where many of us spent the first two weeks in shock, and the second two weeks after learning how to adjust to our new sense of reality in our homes, I felt completely unprepared for our entire globe to change in such a sudden and major mode, and literally take very little data to work with on what to expect for our foreseable futurity other than "nosotros're working on it". People who live every solar day with a mental health challenge rely heavily on routines and reassurances on what they can look. Having a plan brings stability and eases anxiety. Not knowing what to expect, and having that routine suddenly modify, is not piece of cake.

I tin only speak from my own personal experience, only if you've been feeling a sense of depression, whether diagnosed, undiagnosed, or you can just chronicle, this is what my depression looks similar when I fall into an episode:

• Trouble sleeping, falling asleep…
• Nightmares…
• Sleeping also much/more than normal…
• Difficulty waking up in the morning…
• Consummate loss of interest or motivation in doing things once loved (i.e. drawing, painting, gardening, writing, etc)…
• 'Emotional eating' or skipping meals…
• Pulling abroad from social interaction, non wanting to socialize…
• Feeling more insecure than normal, persistent feeling of guilt or feeling like a brunt to others…
• Feeling a lingering sense of impending doom, future looks bleak, struggle to hold on to promise…
• More than easily agitated or irritable…
• Restless legs when trying to fall asleep, recurring headaches/migraines, painful cramps, body aches all over…
• Feeling like veins are on fire…
• Recurring chest pains – panic attacks…
• Life feeling like it's moving in slow motion…
• Difficulty concentrating, slowness in activeness/thoughts, extremely hard to make decisions – even on the most basic of questions…
• Losing track of thought in mid chat/mind suddenly going blank…
• Easily overwhelmed (i.due east. showering for the day feels like a huge task)…
• Crying or hands triggered into beingness more emotional than normal or would be expected…
• Expiry ideation, persistent thoughts of dying or suicide…

If you or a loved ane is feeling suicidal, or you may feel they, or you, might be a danger to yourself, delight call 911 or reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255…

My go to resources to help me manage my mental land of mind and regain a sense of purpose and control in my solar day to day is the following, hopefully it tin be of aid to you or someone you lot dearest:

• Morning Routine…
• Breathing exercises…
• Affirmations…
• Focus on ONE priority for the twenty-four hour period, something realistic that will give me a sense of accomplishment (i.e. clean the dishes in the sink, outset a load of laundry, write this Mental Health Monday post, etc)…
• Call my mom…
• If things get way likewise overwhelming, I reach out to my therapist to talk…
• I declare a 'cave solar day' when I need to, which gives me permission to 'check out' when life gets too overwhelming:

My cave days include my favorite things: chimera baths, a game (I beloved love love Zelda botw & Animate being Crossing), actress nap in the day, favorite or very interesting testify, time outside gardening or a sunny drive in nature… things that are comforting and don't involve whatsoever sort of level of expectation or duty… the cavern days help give relief of pressure of expectation or whatever sort of vulnerability to letting anyone down. They assist me check out from the drama of reality in the world that can seem very sad and scary sometimes.

I also look at it like this… I either continue in the state of mind that'south making me want to… to put information technology frankly (those who live with depression can chronicle to what I'grand about to say)… I either remain in the state of heed, in the aforementioned circumstances that is triggering the feelings of wanting to die, or I intentionally identify myself in an environment or list of activities that help strength my mind into easy and comforting distractions — intentionally irresolute the blueprint of thought. Sometimes I need someone to help pull me abroad (i.eastward. "Allow's go for a walk", "permit's talk", or "want to play a game with me?"). Well-nigh of the time I observe that I only need i day, but sometimes it rolls into a few days in a row… merely if I can make certain to practice my morning routine – even on the cave days, I tin can feel a sense of accomplishment that I'm still existence productive. I'g yet 'getting stuff washed'.

The reality is, there is very little that we Accept TO do… we tin make long lists of things nosotros feel nosotros have to do or "the earth volition come up crashing down", or we purposefully and intentionally make fourth dimension to rescue our mental health. 99.9% of the time y'all will detect that you can actually make that happen. Yous can take a cave day, or 'an hour in my cave', every day. It can be washed. Some may not have the luxury of beingness able to take an entire solar day, but virtually of us tin can make arrangements to take at least an hour out of the day to 'check out'.

Speaking on behalf of someone who has attempted suicide, and has oftentimes, in my darkest of days, but wanted information technology all to STOP – all the mental pressure and persistent drama in my head… 'wanting to dice' actually is non what it sounds similar. No healthy-minded person would ever want to die or cease their life. Nobody in their correct mind would do such a matter. That's the important thing to remember. Often times people will say that person was selfish – but information technology'southward important to remember that no good for you-minded, nobody in their right mind would commit such a horrific deed. Unless yous take lived in a depressed mindset, persistently, information technology is understandable why someone would take a hard time agreement how someone could become to that betoken in their life where they would leave backside children, a spouse, endless people who love them. This is why we must take mental health seriously.

Knowledge is ability.

The more we can learn why nosotros feel the mode we feel, why we conduct the way nosotros do, the ameliorate equipped nosotros are to rescue our mental health.

When we have a rescue plan (aka 'cave twenty-four hours') in place, nosotros can take dorsum command and power over our actions. Yes, we volition keep to feel all the difficult feelings, but nosotros can give ourselves a programme of action and take it ane day at a time, and simplify our day every bit needed. I have plant that the more I acquire about emotional health, behavioral health, the less I autumn into the suicidal mindset – because I am able to have a sense of control, because I empathize and I am aware of why I'm feeling the mode I'm feeling.

What do I say to someone who is depressed? How tin can I help?

To go on information technology more than elementary and easy, because truth be told nosotros are all struggling being in quarantine, hither are five ways in which you lot can help someone who is depressed:

1) Permission to do cypher.

Depressed = a heavy feeling of weight on the mind. In this mindset we're our very worst enemy, bang-up, and critic. The virtually mutual feeling that depressed people will say they feel is: "not wanting to be a brunt to others", "I don't want to be a lazy person, simply I feel so overwhelmed over the most simple of tasks!". And so ane of the best things yous could practice is help exist a voice of reassurance that nosotros don't have to practise anything today – or encourage them to focus on just I matter, 1 very piece of cake job. When that sense of relief finally comes to our minds, and the heavy weight is lifted, the first thing we volition desire to do is be productive and tackle our chores, goals, and regain a sense of purpose. Yous can be a slap-up support in helping u.s.a. to elevator that heavy burden on our minds past voicing reassurance that we don't have to do anything. Here are some examples of what y'all could say:

I'm and so sad to hear that you're not feeling well. Perhaps you need to but rest today?

Information technology's OK to add in a suggestion to claiming them to do ONE thing, but keep your feedback as elementary as possible…

I know you must accept a long list of things y'all wish you could do, merely I would suggest but keeping it to one affair. What is one simple thing you feel you could do today? It tin be anything.

Aid remind them means in which they have been productive and helpful, it will help assist them in giving themselves permission to take information technology piece of cake – considering you take proven ways in which they have been productive and helpful to you and others…

I want you to know that I retrieve you are and then wise in looking out for yourself, and even though you don't feel like it today, I desire you lot to know that you take done so much for me. You have helped me:
____list of examples of ways they take helped you____
___x___

2) Validate the emotions.

The world oft has opposing opinions on how we all should be feeling during this quarantine. At that place is i vocalism that is alert us all to be aware of many people coming out of this with some form of PTSD or new or worsening Mental Health challenges, and one voice that is encouraging the states all to NOT fright, DON'T panic, BE grateful, Have organized religion… when you struggle already to keep a hold of the positive, information technology can experience similar a heavy burden of guilt when those feelings of fear, anxiety, and sadness just seem so overwhelming, you feel compelled to 'hide your darkness' so others don't run into how weak you experience you've get. You tin be a tremendous help by validating the natural and human emotions we all feel:

I can simply imagine how this all must exist feeling for y'all. I wish I could prepare it, and take all these difficult feelings from you. I want you to know how loved you are, and how brave yous have been to be honest with yourself and others nigh your feelings. Thank you for sharing your honest feelings with me.

I know you lot wish you could be strong in mind all the fourth dimension, but it'south natural to take these feelings of insecurity, feet, and fright when at that place is dubiousness and 'unknowns' happening. What yous're feeling is so natural and understandable.

If I were in your aforementioned position, I would feel the aforementioned way too.

I wish I had all the answers, but I don't. I hear what y'all're maxim, and I thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me. I dear hearing what's on your mind. It helps me to feel not then alone in having similar feelings likewise.

three) It'due south not your responsibility to fix it.

This is a challenge for me. Because I know how it feels to exist depressed, struggle with feet and other mental health challenges, I battle against my impulse to want to 'rescue' people from having to struggle also. But the hard truth is we cannot 'fix information technology' for others. The all-time thing we can do is remind them that we are always here – we won't become away, they are loved by many, and needed, and we want them in our lives:

I want yous to know how much I capeesh you being honest with me in how you're feeling. Thank yous for being a office of my life, cheers for reaching out to me on your bad days.

You lot speaking out honestly in how you feel gives me permission to be honest with my own feelings too. Cheers for existence brave, even when you feel weak – you are giving strength to so many people. You are such a shining instance to many – just by being yourself.

You lot being dauntless to be open in sharing your existent feelings and story, gives others hope and courage to reach out for help when they need information technology. You are so important to many people you lot don't even know. Your life serves a valuable purpose, in maybe even saving lives.

I know how hard it is for you to attain out when y'all're feeling downwardly, but I want you to know that I am ever here and I desire you lot to talk to me when you're having a bad solar day, or when yous're feeling insecure and struggling with your thoughts.

I love yous, every colorful side of your personality. I love you lot not just when you lot're at your all-time, simply likewise when yous're non at your best. I love everything – EVERYTHING about you.

I want you lot to e'er be a office of my life. I am proud of you lot every twenty-four hours y'all choose to keep living one more day. I know life is difficult, and a bully challenge to face some days. But you lot are an of import part of my life, I need you lot – and I want you to be in it – simply as you are.

I wish I could fix information technology and make information technology all amend, but I know I tin can't. What I can say is that I am here. I will e'er exist here for y'all, to reach out to, and heed to everything that'south on your mind. I desire to hear how you're feeling.

4) Reassurances of dearest.

Reassurances of love tin can exist unproblematic. Sometimes it's hard to know exactly what to say. Thankfully the internet tin can be a helpful resource with image quotes. To brand it super piece of cake, I've compiled a drove of image quotes that you tin copy and paste into a message to ship to a beloved one who is struggling with challenging thoughts. I know one method of 'keeping my head above water' is to read positive quotes and so I can help my mind change the narrative that tries to push button me down. It's meant a lot to me when loved ones and friends have shared a positive quote in a text or email to me. Information technology helps remind me that they're thinking of me and that simple act of love ways A LOT.

five) You can't be the hero, but you lot can exist a support.

It'south in every good-hearted person's nature to want to fix information technology and brand everything better for someone, but at that place is a point where you have to have a step back and remind yourself of what you really have control over. Unless you fear someone will harm themselves, or is a danger to themselves or someone else, there is nothing you can do, nor should you try because you need to take care of your mental health as well. Y'all cannot brand anyone feel anything, you only have control over yourself, and you cannot have responsibility for how others are feeling (or what they ultimately decide to exercise).

Remember, you cannot lift someone else up if you yourself are not standing on solid ground.

So if you lot feel yourself being pulled nether, give yourself permission to say "no", requite yourself permission to send a unproblematic annotation of 'I love yous' or fifty-fifty a heart emoticon, and behave on taking care of yourself. Y'all don't take to practise big acts or gestures of honey to make a significant difference or be of help and service to someone. Simple acts often get translated into big gestures of dear, and it is enough.

Just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking of you!

I wish I had the right words to say, then I am going to merely send this heart to remind you lot that yous're loved. ❤️

::hugs::

Cheers for being a part of my life.

I am so grateful to have yous as a friend. I never want to imagine my life without you in it.

My Dad and I take this matter with numbers. When I was a petty girl, in church he would always squeeze my mitt three times to say "I love yous". Then it became a contest, and I would clasp 4 times "I honey you more"… presently information technology became ix "I dear y'all more than than you volition e'er know". So, every one time in awhile nosotros will text or email but the number. I love it 🙂

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I hope this has been a helpful resources to requite you some ideas of how y'all tin help others. Maybe my sharing of how depression makes me experience can help you meliorate sympathize how you, or a loved one is feeling. Possibly you lot oasis't considered giving yourself permission to have a 'cave day' (they assistance SO much!). And maybe my suggestions of what you could say to your loved ones tin can help you in some modest manner. If this has been helpful, please feel free to share.

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If you or a loved ane is feeling suicidal, or you may feel they, or you, might exist a danger to yourself, please call 911 or accomplish out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: one-800-273-8255…

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Source: https://bekindminds.com/mental-health-awareness/what-to-say-to-someone-who-is-depressed-in-quarantine/

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